The third Vincentian value is called by St. Vincent “meekness.” Or, in contemporary language — “gentleness.”
He wrote in the Common Rules: “We should make a great effort to learn the following lesson, as also taught by Christ: ‘Learn from me because I am gentle and humble of heart.’ We should remember that he himself said that by gentleness we shall inherit the earth” (CR II, 6).
Why is gentleness relevant today?
Because the world around us is violent. Think of Gaza, Ukraine and Myanmar. Think of Duterte’s EJK and Trump’s ICE. Most of the world’s violence has state backing.
But beyond overt violence in war zones, I would like to reflect on violence in digital technology. Literature describes it as the “rage economy.” It is crucial because this “outrage industry” can lead to road rage and classroom shootings. Moreover, contemporary wars are carried out on computer screens and in digital zones.
Let us start with social media. We know that digital algorithms reward strong emotions like anger, fear and fury with incentives in increased “likes,” “shares” and financial rewards. Research shows that these negative emotions generate the highest engagement. Content creators and influencers easily motivate people to react more to “anger” feeds than to “joyful” posts. This is called “rage bait” creation. Divisive, shocking and exaggerated tribalistic memes — no matter how false — surely guarantee an audience.
From the internet, hate and violence spread to culture in general. Scroll through internet pages, and 80% of it is anger and fury.
We wonder where the pupils of a Mindanao school learn hateful words when the president visits them. “Sana sumabog [yong helicopter].” “Nagmamadali yan, baka mabaril.” “Bangag!” Answer: from adults’ internet rage all over social media!
Where do the Tacloban or Zamboanga pupils get their motive to kill? From Roblox or Goreblox and the violent culture the apps generate.
Contemporary philosopher Yuval Noah Harari, who wrote the book Nexus as his analysis of the internet age, argues that internet rage is an engineered byproduct of social media algorithms designed to hijack the human brain for profit. In short, we become what we consume.
And when we consume “anger” and “rage” every day, these become characteristics of our culture. Harari thinks of the mind as an ecosystem directly shaped by its digital diet. If users continuously consume an information stream carefully optimized for hate and fury, their minds will inevitably fill with hate and fury.
St. Vincent de Paul lived 400 years before the internet age. Yet his intuitions about anger, meekness and gentleness are very relevant and meaningful.
Because we are missionaries, gentleness is necessary to “win people over so that they will turn to the Lord. That will not happen if we treat people harshly or sharply,” St. Vincent says.
“In fact,” Saint Vincent observes, “I have never seen nor heard tell of any heretic being converted by the force of debate nor the subtlety of argument, but by meekness, for so powerful is this virtue in gaining souls to God.”
According to St. Vincent, there are three expressions or “acts” of gentleness in everyday life.
The first is anger management. Because we are people carried away by our passions that dissipate us, we need to bring ourselves back to the center. “The first of these acts,” St. Vincent advised, “represses movements of anger; the outbreaks of that fire which troubles the soul and makes it change color. A meek man does not cease to feel the first movement of passion because the movements of nature anticipate those of grace, but he remains firm that he may not be carried away, and if in spite of himself something appears exteriorly, he quickly pulls himself together and returns to his natural state.”
The second expression is affability, friendliness and congeniality. These attitudes put people at ease with us. “Hence it is that some people,” St. Vincent continues, “who have a smiling and pleasant manner, please everybody, God having given them this grace by which they seem to offer their heart to you and to ask for yours.”
Then, in an act of self-reflexivity, St. Vincent recognized his own weakness with regard to meekness. “There are others, like myself, who are rough and have an oppressed, sad, surly appearance, which frightens and even disconcerts people. The Missioners, who by their vocation have to exercise their ministry amongst the country people, will be wise to adopt these insinuating manners, which captivate hearts. Otherwise they will obtain no fruit and will be like barren soil, which produces nothing but thistles.”
The third expression of gentleness is to give someone the benefit of the doubt, to think positively of others and excuse them when their actions seemingly cause us pain. It is walking the extra mile with someone. The Filipino expression — “siguro meron lang siyang pinagdadaanan” — makes us excuse someone’s rash behavior and give them the kindness that leads to the heart. The words we use and the facial expressions we give are necessary in our everyday dealings with others.
“When we have a dispute with anyone,” St. Vincent said, “it frequently happens that the arguments we use often make our opponent realize that we want to have the upper hand, and that is why he prepares himself for resistance rather than for recognition of the truth; so that often enough the debate, instead of enlightening his mind, finishes by closing up the door of his heart, whereas meekness and affability would open it.”
But the most important reason why we need to be gentle is our ministry. St. Vincent said to the Daughters of Charity, “The chief concern will be to serve… with compassion, gentleness, cordiality, respect, and devotion.”
“We must also repress outbursts of anger and prefer the language of meekness to any other, for sometimes only one sweet word suffices to convert a hardened soul; and, on the contrary, one rough word may cause the loss of a soul.”
He is always aware of this difficulty in his own life and always comes to his senses: “Only three times in my life have I made use of rough words when reproving or correcting others, thinking that I had a right to act in that manner, and I always repented of it, because I failed miserably; and, on the contrary, I have always obtained what I desired through meekness.”
Yes, he worked to conquer this throughout his life. So much so that people considered him the most gentle person they had met.
In the movie Monsieur Vincent, the old man Vincent gives his last advice to Jeanne — a fictional young Daughter of Charity who is about to go out for the first time to give soup to the poor. I like that her character is fictional because she represents us all.
He said: “Jeanne, you will find that charity is a heavy burden to carry, heavier than the kettle of soup and the basket of bread. But you must keep your gentleness and your smile. Giving soup and bread isn’t all that the rich can do. You are the little servant of the poor—the servant of charity—always smiling and in good humor.
“They are your masters—terribly sensitive and exacting as you will see—but the uglier and dirtier they are—the more unjust and bitter—the more you must give them of your love. It is only because of your love—and only your love—that the poor will forgive you the bread you give them.”
Magnifica Humanitas, Pope Leo XIV’s first encyclical in the time of AI, gives this antidote to our violent digital culture: “The first contribution we can make toward a more humane civilization is to be mindful of our words. ‘Let us disarm words and we will help to disarm the world’” (MH, 214).
Father Daniel Franklin Pilario, C.M., is the President of Adamson University in Manila. He is a theologian, professor, and pastor of an urban poor community on the outskirts of the Philippine capital. He is also the Vincentian Chair for Social Justice at St. John’s University in New York.
