We continue last week’s reflection on synodal values with the last three: (a) solidarity in pain and joy; (b) affirmation; and (c) expressing emotions.
4. SOLIDARITY IN PAIN AND JOY
St. Vincent said: “By the fourth act, we cannot see our neighbor suffer without suffering with him; we cannot see him weeping without weeping too… it is an act of charity also to rejoice with those who rejoice.”
Vincent was a man of his time. He himself lived within the “institutional-hierarchical” church model, where clerical status and hierarchy formed the dominant framework of church and society. Beyond the medieval paradigm, Vincent understood the Church as a “communion” of brothers and sisters, a family of God, friends of Jesus. We are all members of one body — humans, animals, and the whole of creation.
“It has never been heard even of animals,” Vincent explains, “that one member did not share the pain of another; that one member of one’s body could be bruised, broken and crushed, and the other member did not feel it. No, that is impossible. All the members are so sympathetically bound together that the pain of one is the pain of the others…”
In short, it is the sign of our humanity to feel the pain of others, to feel the joy of the whole cosmos. Long before Laudato Si’, Vincent envisioned a community of pain and joy for the whole creation.
5. AFFIRMATION
The first synodal value is “to be the first to show respect to the other… since humility is the daughter of love, it promotes union and charity.” In St. Vincent’s mind, the person’s goodness precedes or comes before one’s limitations and weaknesses. In contemporary terms, we call this “affirmation.”
Affirmation was not a popular term in the medieval horizon, but St. Vincent believed that affirmation is an act of humility, “not to play the gentleman, the nobleman or the cool critic.”
He says that “humility springs from charity and urges us when we meet our neighbor, to recognize him with honor and respect due to him so as to win his affection.” Humbling ourselves in front of another awakens in that person the intrinsic goodness within him. Vincent offered a colorful metaphor: “A ferocious lion ready to devour another animal that would dare resist it,” he says, “is immediately appeased by seeing it crouching, as if it were humiliated at its feet.”
What catches my attention in these words is not so much the “crouching” as the “appeasing.” Not so much the “humbling” as the awakening in the other of the inherent “affection” within the human core.
This is a basic stance of an affirming person. Affirmation is not so much found in congratulatory words for another’s success as in the real acceptance of the goodness within a person regardless of his or her achievements or failures. Without being blind to his or her shortcomings, we choose to affirm the worth of that person.
Thomas Kane expresses well what affirmation means: “You are good because you are you… because you have great worth in being your unique self. Good, not primarily because you have done anything, or accomplished a great deal, or proven yourself successful. No, just because you are you. You are the ‘apple of God’s eye.’”
The ordinary home and school atmosphere has not always taught us to be affirming persons. A nagging mother, a strict father, and a criticizing teacher reinforced in us non-affirming attitudes. That is why affirmation requires extra effort from us. Seeing the goodness in the other requires a lot of trust and humility. It is easier for us to condemn and criticize because our culture and environment have taught us to do so.
No wonder St. Vincent emphasized humility and patience in our practice of affirmation: the need for “crouching” and “humbling” in order to see the real goodness of the other to which we are often blind.
6. EXPRESSING EMOTIONS
The last fruit of charity is “showing forth the affection that we feel.”
Here, Vincent is most contemporary. Even today, for many families and individuals, expressing affection and love by saying, “I love you,” “I do care for you,” “You are so precious to me,” or “I appreciate your presence in my life,” remains taboo.
These belong to a group of “lonely” words that may cause embarrassment in traditional families when spoken plainly.
But Vincent, way ahead of his time, boldly advised his missionaries: “We should, one and all, let it be seen that we do love one another. A friendly offer to help or give another pleasure affects this. ‘How I wish you to see how much I esteem you.’ After having said this with the lips, it should be proven by deeds.”
St. Vincent, with his practical orientation amid his thousand concerns, did not neglect the emotional dimension of his relationships. He was very expressive about his feelings, even in his letters.
Writing once to Bernard Codoing, who was in Rome (March 17, 1642), he said at the end of a long letter: “And now, Sir, on what a number of things have I not written you? But to whom can I talk quite frankly and with the entire confidence if not to my second self whom I love tenderly than myself? Ah, surely, I will always open my heart to you and keep nothing back from you because I know the depths of your heart and the love which our Lord has given you for me…”
CONCLUSION
Fifteen years earlier, on January 1, 1644, Vincent gave a conference entitled “On Cordial Respect” to the Daughters of Charity.
To offer an example of how greeting and welcoming one another should be done, he shared with them a custom practiced by the CM missionaries at St. Lazare.
“When any of us returns from the country, each one in turn goes to meet him with a smiling countenance and thoughtfully brings him all that he may need. If it is necessary to bathe his legs to remove sensations of weariness, then his legs are bathed… You, too, sisters can act in a similar fashion.”
“Bathing another’s weary legs”: a symbolic gesture of love within the synodal community.
What Vincent expressed in words in 1659 as he explained Common Rules II.12 was already a lifestyle lived and practiced through this symbolic custom. It is a gesture reminiscent of the Upper Room, where Jesus washed the feet of his friends to say dramatically: “Love one another as I have loved you.” (John 15:12).
Love expressed in these concrete acts is the central synodal value of Jesus’ community.
Father Daniel Franklin Pilario, C.M., is the President of Adamson University in Manila. He is a theologian, professor, and pastor of an urban poor community on the outskirts of the Philippine capital. He is also the Vincentian Chair for Social Justice at St. John’s University in New York.
